considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
