Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
