So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
