Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
