your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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