That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
