you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize