8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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