we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
