a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
