so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
