I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So squirting runs in the family.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
