I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is wine microwaveable?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
