i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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