A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize