pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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