just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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