Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
