Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
