I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize