Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He is an equal opportunity slut.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
