On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
