Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
