Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
