hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
