you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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