So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
