I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
