dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
