this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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