I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
