God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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