The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize