sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
