Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
