did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up under a house in Key West
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