How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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