Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
