if you like me you must not know who I am
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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