we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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