i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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