There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
