i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
