your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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