Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
