Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
