i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
