Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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