before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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