2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
