Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
