This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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