my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
