There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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