i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
