i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
