Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
