You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
try to milk me bitch
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