hotel room ftw
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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