And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
