I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
