We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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