I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize