He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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