i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
