I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
