the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
dude. I can hear the air.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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