There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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