ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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