you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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