both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
