evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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