I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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