some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
