Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
