he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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