Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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