Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just google imaged poop.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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