Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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