we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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