If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
