call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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