i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
