party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Pooping to opera.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
