bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
