***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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