let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
