Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
