if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
