i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
