I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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