Having a random hookup so left but love u
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
