My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
