No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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