totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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