i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
