I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just pee around me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
