i permit you to call me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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