So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
