meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
