the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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