I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize