(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
